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  • RELEASED: 2003
  • RUNTIME: 147 mins
  • WRITTEN BY: Ron Shelton, Cormac Wibberley, Marianne Wibberley, Jerry Stahl
  • DIRECTED BY: Michael Bay
  • STARRING: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Gabrielle Union, Jordi Mollà, Peter Stormare, Joe Pantoliano, Theresa Randle

This is pure, unrefined Michael Bay on crack and it’s AMAZING. Quite possibly one of the most insane movies ever made. It’s certainly about a half hour too long to the point of near sensory overload and it’s undeniably grotesque in a multitude of different ways but it’s just so fucking awesome. The action is gloriously over the top and so much more memorable than the first film. Seriously, that car chase at the beginning is one of the best I’ve ever seen. It’s also goddamn hilarious. The scene at the electronics store had me in STITCHES. Definitely one of my new favorite action movies. I cannot believe I’m actually giving this 5 stars but it totally deserves it. Finally, there’s a movie besides Armageddon where Bay’s style is actually put to good use. Oh yeah and the mine field sequence>>>>Da 5 Bloods😌. 

“In front of my babies you got porno and homo shows up in here? What kinda freak ass store is this? And you two mothafuckas need Jesus.”